Being Normal is Overrated with Charmaine Fuller

SPEAKERS

Rita Suzanne, Charmaine Fuller

Rita Suzanne  00:01

Welcome to the mom owned and operated Podcast, the podcast about moms and for moms, where we have candid conversations about running a business, raising a family, and remembering ourselves. I’m your host, Rita Suzanne, a single mom of four, digital strategist and provider of no nonsense business strategies and tactics. Hi, this is Rita Suzanne, and today I have my guest, Charmaine with me, Charmaine, I’m so excited to chat with you today. Please, everyone, all about you, your family and your business. 

Charmaine Fuller  00:39

So I’m going to start with me first, because I love me. I am a book nerd. I read. Like, it’s nobody’s business. My Amazon book queue is filled with wonders and amazement. I love sparkly shiny things. I love reality TV. And I love to cook in it. My family is one husband of over 20 years, we still enjoy each other’s company. He’s my rider die.

Charmaine Fuller  01:07

We have three beautiful little children. Well, they’re not little My God. One is 21. The other one is 11. And my 14 year old, although he’s not with us in physical form, he is still a part of the family. So we have three people and my life is always busy, like school just started back up. And it was just like the back to school, even though we homeschool, but he still has lots of extracurricular activities. And it’s just like, Ah, so there’s that. And then the exciting part is my business. I get to serve neurodiverse moms. So if your kids neurodiverse I’m sure you you’ve probably discovered that, you know, oh, my gosh, this sounds a lot like me. I help neurodiverse moms to unpack all of that and to create systems and structure around all of the crazy that’s going on in their head to help them to feel more flow and stability in their life. So that is me in a nutshell.

Rita Suzanne  02:04

Yay. Okay, so first, what is one of your favorite books? Yeah, I do business stuff, or do you go for I read everything.

Charmaine Fuller  02:13

So I just got done reading the seven husbands of Evelyn Hugo all my god, that book is just messy and juicy. It’s old Hollywood goodness. It’s it’s beautiful. Um, so that’s the last messy book I just read. Right now. I’m in the house of Gucci. So I have business stuff that I read. And I have really ratchet things that I read because the brain needs diversity. The business book that I’m in right now I just got done reading, change your paradigm change your life by Bob Proctor. And I just reread Rich Dad Poor Dad, like I go back to that, like every couple of years, like as a refresher. So yeah, those are those are what I’m in right now.

Rita Suzanne  02:58

I love it. Yeah, I have my favorite books. And sometimes I do and I love audiobooks, because you know, driving or running or whatever. But there are certain books that I like to actually physically have in my hand. So are you the same way do you like both

Charmaine Fuller  03:16

I am the same way when it comes to my messy books. Specifically, once I have multiple pieces of dialogue, I found that audiobook is not the best because it it can’t keep up and it gets really confusing. So all of my messy books are hard copy, whatever, but a lot of my business books because I’m going back over them over and over again. I have the physical book, and I have it on audio.

Rita Suzanne  03:41

So so you can just get you can go back and forth. I love that back and forth. I only started with audiobooks because my kids were like, they didn’t like me to have an actual book in my hand, you know? And so I started with, like reading on my phone and then once you know, audible came out, then we switched over. I loved it. Um, so let’s talk about your business. Let’s talk about neuro diverse, diverse, and I can’t speak today. But for those who don’t really know what that is, can you explain more in depth and what that means?

Charmaine Fuller  04:19

So neurodiverse brains, our brains that see the world differently, we see the sparkly things. Things sensory wise might throw us off. I know one of the things that women get told off, you’re being too sensitive. It’s like no, this is just too much for me, sensory wise, like it’s not that I’m being too sensitive. But those brains process life just differently than the norm. And it could either be souped up, you know, or it could be someone that needs just a little bit more time and space but that’s why I always say neurodiverse because it gives the gambit of those who learned in many different formats and giving them that space. I hope that makes sense.

Rita Suzanne  05:08

Yeah, it makes sense. Like, I always classify myself as, like, introverted, right. But I’m sure that I’m not right. People say there’s no way that you are. But what I mean by that is like big crowds, I do not like them. They make me anxious and uncomfortable, and there’s not enough medication that was going to make me feel good about

Charmaine Fuller  05:30

it. Or miracle metal marijuana. That’s why

Rita Suzanne  05:35

I’m just what I want to go to sleep instead. Okay, so let’s talk about more so into, like, how you are helping people deal with these things.

Charmaine Fuller  05:48

So one of the things that I found for myself, well, we’ll talk about me, I can be the case study for the day, when even before I got diagnosed, I was a very smart girl, I got things quickly, I was a good girl. Um, but there were just these little things, and quirks that I would do. Like, I would leave stuff cooking, and just like walk off, or I would start, you know, there are these little things. And so growing up, my mom would be like, you’re such a smart girl, but you do stupid stuff. And I’m like, what does that mean? Like do? How can I be smart and stupid at the same time? You know, there was, there was a lot of that growing up. And so as you become an adult, it translates, especially with the type of brain that I have. Now, I think something is wrong with me. So then it spirals in my entire life. I’m in this incestuous people pleasing mode, because I want to be the good smart girl. But I want to make sure I don’t mess anything up. And so a lot of the moms that I work with have found a lot of moms that I’ve worked with, for women in general, we don’t get diagnosed until normally we become an adult, and then we normally will not get diagnosed by a male doctor, because they, you know, this is just, it is what it is. And then if we do get diagnosed, it’s normally this push because ADHD is looked at, as something that boys have, that boys are naturally hyperactive that boys and that hyperactivity doesn’t always show up, and somebody’s bouncing off the walls. For me, it shows up in when I get anxious, I over talk, like I over talk. And it was just like I would and then when I leave the situation, like I would leave the situation, I would feel real shitty because it’s like, I didn’t mean to share that much like, Oh, my God, but then you realize it’s the anxiety mirrored in with trying to be a good girl trying to be likable, trying to make sure everybody else’s have like, there’s all these layers. And so I find that my moms have a lot of these layers. 98% of the moms that I work with are in therapy is kind of like a prerequisite because I’m not a therapist, I’m more of a consultant to help you put it together. And so that’s what I do is I help them to take all the little running pieces in their head, and help them to lay it out on their third party to help them to lay it out. Because it’s really hard when you have a lot of thoughts in your head to lay those pieces out. And I help them to get clear about, okay, what’s going on? Like, what’s really going on? What do you want to happen? Okay, let’s get clear about that. Okay, let’s start now setting up some boundaries around that. So it’s this process of mainly helping them to become aware, even more aware, and get clear about what’s going on.

Rita Suzanne  08:34

As you’re speaking, I’m like, Oh, my gosh, she’s talking about me, because one, I’m in therapy, too. I think I have ADHD, but nobody will diagnose me, right? I mean, I have really have had a hard time with instead they say, Oh, you just have depression, anxiety. I’m like, I am not depressed. Like, I’m happy. Why are you saying this? You know, so I love that you’re that you’re helping guide people, you know, because obviously therapists can really just help you with particular issues, right, unpacking all of the things but they’re not really helping you with the next steps after and to deal with your, you know, daily, I guess routine and things like that, because I feel like I need structure and I need routine do a lot of your clients.

Charmaine Fuller  09:28

Here’s the gag. We love structure and routine, but we also love chaos. Like chaos is like a drug. So it’s finding that balance and using again, me for instance, I can get some shit really clear and it’ll be nice and clean. But then there’s just as it’s like this trickle. And then like in a couple of days. It’s like where’d all the sandpaper come from? Like, I swear to God, I just picked it up. And so knowing that for me, this is a continuous process. process that that was one of the things I had to realize is that I just can’t take this process and expect for it to be one and done. I have to take this process, I have to understand that I’m going to fuck it up. But I have something to get me back on track. So I’m not stuck in the mud as often. And that’s really what I teach mom’s is like, you’re gonna, you’re gonna mess up, it’s gonna go to shit. But you have a way out. And so each time you get out, it’s quicker, it’s less painful, there’s less beating yourself up about it. Like, that’s the thing of my whole thing is it’s not perfection. It’s just for you to get better at rolling with it each and every time. But yeah, that whole

Rita Suzanne  10:44

the routines, I but I have a little bit of OCD to go with it. Like I’m okay with my bedroom being a little bit messy. But as soon as I leave, like every other room needs to be spotless, like I am. A little bit of a maniac. So so how does someone I guess break out of their like normal routine, if their routine is the chaos? How are you helping them to like maybe they need to get back into that type of more structured thing. It’s the clarity

Charmaine Fuller  11:17

piece. So I often take women, not often I take them through this exercise where it’s we break down each life area, what’s going on in this life area on a scale of one to 10? Where’s it at for you right now? Okay, so if it’s out of five, what would a six look like? Like, I really help them to start defining and get clear, because so often when your brain is going at a million miles a minute, the thought of stopping freaks you out even more than being in chaos. Because the fear is if I stop, it’s going to fall apart, and I’ll never be able to pick it back up. So giving them that permission and space to be able to take the time and say let’s break this all down. And then to really be able to see from a broad picture, oh, well, my family is a shit show, not because I’m not a great mom. But because this other life area, like I’m not able to take care of my health and maybe get enough sleep. So it’s my lack of sleep that’s causing me to always feel like I’m failing as a mom. So it gives them that that first session we do really gives them a broad picture to see that what’s on fire may not necessarily be where the fire, it’s not the house that started the fire, the house is starting the fires two houses down. But you’re noticing this, this house right here because it’s like this is the most pressing issue. And helping them to gain that clarity and then begin to clean up from a more foundational level. Versus I’m just going to try to fix my family. And then two weeks later, we’re back in the shit show. And I can’t figure out why we’re back here.

Rita Suzanne  12:56

I feel like everything with us, like women is always wrapped around the lack of self care, right. And it’s so vital. And this is one thing that I’m always talking about. Because you know, as a woman, once you have a partner, you give up a little bit of yourself. Once you have a job, you give up a little bit of yourself same thing like job or business, you give up a little bit of yourself. But once you have kids, you get a whole lot of yourself. And it becomes the first thing that we stop taking a we become the first thing that we stopped, right? Because our priority is now on this little person or little people. Right? And and it’s so hard no matter how much all of us say, Oh yes, I’m doing my self care. I’m doing my self care. Are you really doing it? You know, I think like or maybe you’re not doing enough?

Charmaine Fuller  13:52

Yeah. So one of the things that I discovered was self care. And I talked to moms about a lot is a spa day is great. But what you really need is this daily thing, this daily practice that you’re doing. Whether that’s sitting in your closet for five minutes and not thinking one of the biggest pieces of self care that I gave myself was making my family do their own laundry. If I don’t my rule is if I don’t wear it, I don’t wash it because it’s not mine. And everybody does their own laundry. Another piece of self care for myself was I do not cook on Sundays. I do not cook on Thursdays. And if there’s another day of the week where I do not feel like cooking you have been afforded with the Velveeta shells and cheese microwavable. The chicken nuggets, there’s something for you and my kids have money. So if you want to DoorDash to your heart’s content, by all means do it. Self care can look like you saying this shit is not my shit and I’m gonna back up like that is a form of self care. I think we have to stop looking at self care and Is this destination? And more like a part of the journey? Am I getting my sleep? Do I have boundaries with my kids? I’m still learning boundaries with my kids. I My God, those humans are so flippin cute. And the way they ask questions are just so Oh, that I even for me, I have to go fast. No slow. Yes, no, let me check things and get back to you. Because that’s one of the things that we as moms do, our kids ask us something and we kind of feel obligated to help them out. And then before you know it, we have something at five, something at 515 something at 530, something at 545 something at six. And before you know it, it’s 10. We haven’t done anything for ourselves. And so now we’re trying to cram in all the shit that we thought we were going to do while we were it’s it just turns into this cycle. So self care is moment by moment, day by day, every day or day all day.

Rita Suzanne  15:57

Yeah, I say that too. Because sometimes when I talk to people, I interview people, they’ll say stuff like, you know, I go and get my nails done. And I say that’s great, but it’s not the same because you’re you know, like for me like I’ve always say like, I’ll lock myself in my bedroom, I’ll go for a walk. But sometimes if I go for a walk, my kids want to come with me. So therefore,

Charmaine Fuller  16:18

it no longer self care. It becomes a talking

Rita Suzanne  16:21

walk, like like with my kids. But I’m with you on the laundry, I started teaching my kids at nine years old how to do their own laundry. And I do not cook every day because I just cannot. And I don’t have the energy or the space. And I feel like you’re old enough, like you said to go down there and make your own stuff and maybe cook something like I had to start cooking when I was 10 years old. for everybody, not just for myself.

Charmaine Fuller  16:49

I tell my son that all the time. I was a latchkey kid, your mom is home all the time. Right? You got it. So

Rita Suzanne  16:58

right, right.

Charmaine Fuller  17:00

Making dinners for the family like even though like you’ll do Nacho night. So it’s like, okay, now on Fridays, I don’t have to cook all the time, because he can make nachos and burgers. I’m like something, you got to do something do like really,

Rita Suzanne  17:13

even over the summer, I took my kids to a cooking class so that they could understand like the basic kitchen stuff. And it was great while we were in it. But do you think that any of them have even attempted to try to cook anywhere? Oh, no,

Charmaine Fuller  17:29

you got you got to.

Rita Suzanne  17:31

They were doing it like after the class, we would leave the class and the next day, they would cook whatever the thing was, but now it’s been over for maybe four or five weeks. And they haven’t even attempted to make not one single thing. And so I’m just like, I’m done with you all.

Charmaine Fuller  17:50

So funny. I don’t know about you. But for my husband and I it was this thing of wanting to be different than like this fight of wanting to be different than your parents. And in that, like I looked at him, I said, oh my god have we have are we raising entitled snips? Like, because there’s so much that we’re having to teach our kids how to do for themselves. Because at that age, like he and I are both the oldest and our respective families. So we were cooking, we were making sure siblings have their homework done. Like we were basically parents, you know, at their age now I get it was like probably Trump like, you know, but still, it’s like, am I failing as a mom, like, I was able to be so much more self sufficient. And nine,

Rita Suzanne  18:34

I was the oldest to have five. So I get it. I feel like you know, we I was a second parent as well. And my mom was a single mom. So, you know, of course she had to work and then I was there to take all take care of all the other kids, like for the longest I mean, want to be a mom because I was a mom to them, you know, but then as I got older, I was like okay, and you know, they teach us so many things. And you know, and I think that one thing like for me, and because I am definitely determined to make sure that my kids don’t, you know, are not entitled. So I tell them, you know, especially when they say oh things aren’t it’s not fair. And I say you know what, Life is not fair. My job is to prepare you for the world. And it is not to make it easy for you because nobody else is going to accommodate you in the same way. And so they I you know I try to give them those little harsh realities and not say like sometimes I will say like, You are so lucky because when I was I had to do this and this and I had to walk six miles, you know, up the hills no to school. You know, like our parents used to tell us but no, I didn’t say that. But you know, it’s like, they don’t understand how easy that they have it. You know,

Charmaine Fuller  19:54

I always tell my son fair something you pay to ride the bus it is not an indicative of life or asked me if it was, I would already be sitting on a cool million and a yacht somewhere in Belize, something like that. I don’t even know if Belize has got water, but it’s like, you know, air nice, right. But if, like, sometimes I always tell my son, you don’t always get what you want, but you get what you need, in that moment to take the growth. And like they’re finally getting it, but it’s just, it’s really interesting how, like, my life, how different my life is, in comparison, you know, to theirs. And you know, how you say, I’m not going to be like my mom, and then you realize that maybe she wasn’t that horrible, after all, and some of these lessons are really great.

Rita Suzanne  20:41

That’s true. That’s true. And I think that for a lot of times, I didn’t realize how hard it was for her, you know. So especially, you know, being a single mom and having five kids and one of them being handicapped, and, you know, going through all this extra stuff that she had to go through and being abused and traumatized. And I was like, No, I’m breaking this cycle. This is not happening to me, at all. So you know, that’s why I think another reason why I didn’t have kids until I was, you know, early 30s, because I just wanted to make sure that, you know, that it didn’t repeat itself.

Charmaine Fuller  21:20

And you were ready to take the journey. Because having kids is like this crash course and healing, if you if you look at it, right, or not want to say right, but if you look at it, and in that way, it’s a crash course to healing, because everything they do is either going to show you where they’re still unhealed shit, or it’s going to show you where you’re not in alignment, because they will mirror that shit back to you, like, you know, a piece of glass. And so you have to be willing to take the journey and see them as the little beautiful lessons that they are, or you’ll go crazy.

Rita Suzanne  22:00

It’s like, it’s like for us double right? Because I’ve, I also feel like when you have a business that you’re you have to learn you have to learn about yourself. And if you don’t grow and heal from these things, they’re gonna just they’re gonna pull you back down. Yeah. And so I think that having a business and like really putting yourself out there, you know, is it’s just really, it’s hard. And it’s deep. You know, it’s like, you have to dig deep within yourself.

Charmaine Fuller  22:31

You know, sometimes I need therapy just for business.

Rita Suzanne  22:37

That’s why we have coaches and other people know, they’re, like, pushing us like, come on, no, you can do this, do this, you know.

Charmaine Fuller  22:45

But that’s the other part about getting clear, too. Sometimes, because this world is so noisy, it is easy to get caught up in what you think is important. And if you don’t have the support to help you, because I believe that whether you said whether it’s a coach or therapist, because whatever, that we all need that support to stay clear. Because trying to do it on your own, it can be done. However, comma, it’s going to take you longer, because there’s so much coming in at you. And to be able to be in a space that’s gonna hold you accountable, as well as helping you to see when you’re either doing doing team too much, or when you’re letting your fears take the wheel. And that’s, that’s so important in this journey, either it’d be in parenting, or in business, and to get underneath somebody, whether it’s getting into a program, whether it’s listening to every one of their flippin podcasts, whether because before I could afford a coach, I like I want people to understand this, like, you know, sometimes coaches come on spaces and they go, you need to work with a coach. And yeah, you do. But if you’re at the space in your business in life, where $500 A month or even $97 a month is a stretch, not because you’re getting lattes every day, but just because of where you are. For the longest time I was following podcasts, every free workshop they had I was at any free group they had I was in, I was doing the work in those spaces I was finding other entrepreneurs to connect with. And although it wasn’t the person’s program, or the perfect solution, it allowed me to build my confidence and work and still act like I’m working under that person, you know, acting as if, and it helped me to get to where I could pay $500 or 2k a month for a coach and feel okay about that. But if you’re not in that space, don’t wait until you have the money, stock the hell out of the person that you would love to work with. That is exactly what I did. And I’m finally working with us every every free thing she had I was at if she had a $97 workshop I was in that bitch. If she had a book I had the book, I’m on the podcast, I’m in all the things, where are you at? I’m going to be where you are. And I’m going to be in front of the class, and I’m going to be getting what I can get while I’m there. And that’s how you have to do you have to do that sometimes. So don’t, don’t get like down about not being able to work with such and such or take this course. font is it’s so much information out there, find it.

Rita Suzanne  25:26

And stick with one person. I think that that person. Yeah, a lot of times people, what I find is that maybe they idolize someone who’s maybe not even on the same journey as you, right? Like, they’re like this guru that just focuses on this one thing. And what I what I hate is seeing someone saying, like, I follow all her stuff, I, you know, I, I’m going to do the same strategy as she does. And I’m like, first of all, I that’s not going to work, because she has a bigger audience than you. Her target audience is different than yours. Like all Yeah, yeah. All these factors are, you know, and so then they try to compare themselves and align themselves to be that person. And that’s, it’s just a recipe recipe for disaster. We’re

Charmaine Fuller  26:18

clarifying that, yeah, I followed her, but I stayed in my lane. Like, I was completely aware that she has a team that not only does she have a team in her business, but she has a, you know, housekeepers, personal assistants, virtual assistants, you know, she has all of these different pieces in place. And so it’s looking at it from the lens of how can I do it in a way that stays in alignment with how my life operates. Because the only way for me to get to her status, would be like to just forget about my family sit in a room with a diaper on and just like go to work, I can’t do that I have I cannot put on blinder there’ll be some shit on fire if I put on blinders. So I have to operate in my lane with like what my wife is doing. And that’s where a lot of when we get in trouble as well, especially those of us that have kids. We want to operate how we operate before we had kids. Look at here, if you have anybody under the age of seven, there’s a lot of hands on stuff that you are going to have to do. That’s just for real for real. And you think and you can work for two hours by leaving. Unless you have help, that is not realistic. It’s going to burn you out. It’s going to make you resentful. It is not what you want in your life. You better start working. I used to work in 15 minute sprints. That’s why it took me so long to build my business. I had young kids, I had a son that had a disability that required me to be a parent and a caregiver. So I had 15 minutes Sprint’s I built really, really slow. Sure I could be so much bigger than what I am right now. But I have a family. And that’s not saying that I can’t do it just says that I have to operate differently until that family gets in the place where I can now I can work for two hours, and nobody bothers me. But then it was 15 minute sprints.

Rita Suzanne  28:09

Yeah, I think that that’s something I go over with my clients is like really defining how much time can you actually a lot to working? Right, Don’t set yourself up for failure and say, you know, I’m working. And it’s like, eight hours, but you know, you can’t work for eight hours straight. You know, you know what kids, even even like, my youngest is almost 12. And it’s still struggle, you know, when they get home, and they want to come in and talk to me and you know, I already know, like for an hour after they get home, like I’m not doing anything.

Charmaine Fuller  28:47

It’s it’s not my time, like, you know, I know,

Rita Suzanne  28:52

I want to hear how their day went, I want to know what’s going on? What are you about to do what you know, like, do you have homework, all of that, because, you know, that’s, that’s what we do, you know, we have to be able to do both things. And so we have to, I think set these times out. And that’s something I didn’t use to do before

Charmaine Fuller  29:11

Me neither, I would hope that they wouldn’t come but they came and then I would get pissed off that they came but I knew they were coming. And it’s just like this little ball of insanity like you know, they’re gonna want to talk to you after you know that this, you know, because I also I also have a nine to five. So I know when I get off. My son wants to talk to me, he wants to have these long, beautiful conversations, my husband is gonna want to talk to me, my daughter is gonna want to talk to me. And so I’ve had to start carving out time. I can either go with the flow or I can try to fight the flow. Fighting the flow is painful. It is so painful. And yet like set you know it’s coming. Like always have moms tell me you know, I’m so stressed out around Christmas break. Why? You know it’s coming up Mr. Schedule, you can’t do the same thing. Like, every year it comes. Right. Right, every year it comes. Why are you stressed? Because you keep trying to do stuff that you know, you can’t do like, changes change your schedule, it’s not that big of a deal.

Rita Suzanne  30:15

Yeah. And I’ve started like, marking off days in my calendar. And you know, like, I’m not working between this and this, I’m, you know, and I’ve, I’ve, since I’ve been restructuring my business, and like really focusing on my goals and my time and all of these and boundaries and enforcing all of the things. I’ve got myself down to like, working six hours a day. Now, this is a miracle for someone like me, who is one addicted to working right, like I am,

Charmaine Fuller  30:45

especially when you love what you do, right? Doing this, give me some more. Right.

Rita Suzanne  30:51

But I’ve I’ve never I had to get it down. Because you know, now I have four kids, not two kids, I’m single, you know. And I realized what I was doing was, I’m just here with my kids, like, I’m just physically here, there’s no, you know, and so I started realizing what I was doing was, you know, under the guise of, oh, I started this so that I could be home with my kids. I’m not even in, you know, like, I’m not doing anything with them. I’m just here. And they are off, you know, doing their own thing by themselves. And I started realize, like, this is not going to work. This is why I had to restructure my business. Because, you know, it’s like, you’re not even in alignment with what you want to do.

Charmaine Fuller  31:38

Yeah, I just got out of a business restructure, because I was doing one on one clients. And for me, that was not in alignment, because not only am I working, but then I would come home, and then well, I work at home, so but I would get off. And then it was time for the one on one clients. And then you know, where’s your family time? And my husband was like, I don’t see you, like you’re in your little space. And, you know, and so I had to restructure to go, Well, how do I make this work? That’s more in alignment. Because, for me, freedom is one of my highest values, being able to do what I want, when I want how long I want with who I want, while positively impacting the world, right? So that’s my definition of freedom. That didn’t feel very freeing. So how do I change that, like, you know, that and that’s what I mean by like, the clarity piece always shifts. It’s always that’s why I tell women, this is a journey, like how you want to feel this month, may not be how you want to feel next month and be okay with that. It doesn’t mean you’re wishy washy, it just means you’re growing, your life is changing. It’s okay. To not want to do the same thing over and over again, it’s okay to want that change.

Rita Suzanne  32:53

Yeah, I think that’s what happened to me too. Like, once I quit web design, it was still I’m still trying to figure out, you know, I was trying to figure out, like, what am I going to do? And because I want to do something, but I didn’t really know. And so I felt like I was wishy washy, but I was like, Nah, I’m just gonna keep personally, you know, keep pressing on and keep just, you know, like, Okay, now I’m, you know, focusing on business plans. And you know, and right, my burning out, because what I started to realize was like, one of the things that a lot of people don’t realize, so we talked about earlier, like, not having a budget and all this other stuff. But I felt like not having financial stability was creating the burnout, right? Yeah. Because you’re placing one to the other, right, so you’re constantly one, you’re going to charge less, you’re going to take on clients that are not a good fit. And you’re going to overwork because you don’t really need like you need to do a certain amount so that you can pay these bills and take care of these kids. And so when I started doing the business plan, and I started realizing like crowdfunding grants are free money, business credit, those are things that you can actually get, without having that pressure, that same pressure to

Charmaine Fuller  34:10

take some of that pressure off. One of the things that I discovered when I knew I was burning out of my business, is that I would take a day off, and I would go if I never had to go back and see another client one on one. Like, I would just say, Fuck it all. And that’s how I knew I was starting to burn out when I started to think that if I never had to come back to this again, my life would be so much better. Because you know, there’s the breaks where you’re like, oh my god, I can’t wait so I have these ideas, you know, and I want to and then they’re the breaks when you when it gets to be like

Rita Suzanne  34:43

I couldn’t stand web design like even though I was good at it. I did and the reason why I kept doing it was because I would make good money. And

Charmaine Fuller  34:53

same thing with the one on one clients because every coaching person tells you oh my god, you need to take on one on one. It felt like somebody will pulling out my eyebrows, there is no way shape and form, I want to work with one person for 90 days, like ever, right. And there’s no parallel universe where that works out for me. And I discovered that quite painful

Rita Suzanne  35:11

that a lot of coaches start out with a one on one so that they can really get good at what they’re doing. Right. And then they they flip into the group sessions. And I think that group sessions are much better.

Charmaine Fuller  35:24

Oh, my god, yeah, they are. I’m running a group now. It’s just like I spend. It’s the one too many. So I to me, I spend less energy working with them with each other, right, and they support each other. In the interim, when I’m not there. The boundaries I’m able to set up are so much different. I am here Monday, Wednesdays, Fridays, and half a day on Saturday, right? That’s when you can expect to see me so now they have this expectation. They know when to bring questions. And they know when I’m going to answer something, I’m not always available. You know, especially when you have these high ticket VIP clients, sometimes you feel like you always have to be available. And I discovered that’s not true. You can set boundaries with that too. But at the time, you know, it was just like, it just felt like so much.

Rita Suzanne  36:12

Yeah. So I think that that’s, you know, we could go out there. I feel like we could go on and on and on about all of this. But let’s talk about a little bit of self care. Besides locking yourself in your closet, what are you doing for yourself.

Charmaine Fuller  36:30

So for me, I have a morning routine that saves my life. It literally saves my life because my last burnout, not bragging but just saying how important having a consistent morning routine is. I really didn’t notice how burned out I was into like, it got really bad because I had this time in the morning where I was able to breathe. Like, I’m like, Oh my God, this entire like it had been building anywho my morning routine is heaven. I started out doing like 15 minutes of a movement, 15 minutes of like a quiet meditation time, and 15 minutes of journaling. I have now graduated to where my morning routine is two hours. And that’s because my kids are older. So that’s every day. In between work, I have what’s called Transition spaces. And not every day, but more days than not, when I’m done doing one thing like when I’m done talking to you, I’m going to do something completely mindless for about 3045 minutes, I take these breaks in between things that I’m doing to give my brain a chance to reset, I’ve learned that it takes the human brain about 15 to 20 minutes to actually switch to the next task like we think we’re multitasking but we’re really not. So that’s my other piece of self care. Like I said earlier, my kids doing the cleaning the kitchen is a form of self care, I don’t play in the kitchen. My husband picking up duties is it for me. It’s a form of self care. Like I don’t live here by myself. So I’m not going to be the only person cleaning bathrooms, I’m not going to be the only person picking up groceries because I’m sure as hell not the only person eating. So delegating duties to my family, for me is a form of self care, because I can sit here and look at my toes for 45 minutes while you run a Kroger’s and pick up the food. So to me self care is not like I don’t necessarily like I go to a float tank once a month, I get massages, like once a quarter, you know, I do that stuff. But to me, that’s like body maintenance. And that’s not necessarily self care. For me self care as an everyday moving, breathing, living act. And it’s the things that I do in my day. That gives me more freedom, more space, more joy, and allow me to do me throughout the day. So that’s self care for me. I’m not telling you not to go to the spa. I’m not telling you not to go have drinks with your girlfriends, because everybody needs a margarita day. But um, for me self care is just the things that I either do, or don’t do that as spacious as to my life.

Rita Suzanne  39:12

Yeah, I love that because my kids do all the chores in my house and they rotate. If somebody is on punishment, their punishment is basically you’re taking everybody’s chores. Oh my god, and you’re losing your device. Your iPhone basically are

Charmaine Fuller  39:29

so soul sisters on that, like your team. So if somebody on the team fucks up, right, it falls. So now as a team person, you have the responsibility to kind of make sure that everybody on your team is talking

Rita Suzanne  39:43

and yeah, yeah, and then the other thing I mean, I I make sure that my kids are you know doing all that but I’m with you. So one thing that I do like after calls or after like a heavy day, and I feel like okay, I need a break I literally will just go lay in my bed, I’ll turn everything off and close my eyes. Taking a nap. I’m just laying there and recharging. And I might get back up and you know and do something. But I’m just I don’t want to look at my screen anymore. I don’t want to talk to anybody. I don’t I just need to read poop. And so that’s something that I do. And everybody’s like, why do you spend so much time in your bed? Because I love my bed

Charmaine Fuller  40:26

is so comfortable. I spent a lot of money and time picking up this mattress. Look, look.

Rita Suzanne  40:32

Yeah, and if I go sit on the couch, it’s funny because my kids will all stay in their rooms. But if I’m downstairs, they all heard they come.

Charmaine Fuller  40:39

Yeah. Like a flock of birds. Oh, look, mama bird downstairs. Hey,

Rita Suzanne  40:44

they heard me open the door. And then here they come running out their room. Oh, this this is and I’m like, okay, like, you know, but sometimes, like you mentioned, it’s it’s frustrating. So

Charmaine Fuller  40:55

is one of the things I had to realize, and being neurodiverse that some sometimes my kids are sensory overload for me. And it’s not that I don’t love you. It’s like my son now gets when I go. I cannot. Right now I am on sensory overload. I need space. And so I’ve taught my kids that early is that if I say I need space, that means that normally it means I’m like two more questions from like yelling, screaming or you know, so they get that. And a lot of the times as moms, we don’t tell our kids how we’re feeling like we think we’re supposed to feel perfect. Tell them how you’re feeling. Kids have so much flippin empathy, like, tell your if you have a mate, tell them how you’re feeling. Because sometimes we feel like we have to keep up this veneer of having all of our shit together. And then when we flip out our families like oh my gosh, I don’t understand, I’m so confused. And you’re like, I’ve been feeling this way for six months. And nobody’s noticed, because you haven’t opened your mouth. You have to let people know when you’re overwhelmed when you’re sad when life is just not working out for you. Because your family is your tribe. And they want to see you win. But you have to let them in so they can see you win. Look at me, Rahman.

Rita Suzanne  42:12

I tell my kids like I’m like, Just imagine, you know, you have this, you know, like, you have this thing. And you have like all these people pulling on you at one time. That’s the way that I’m feeling right now. I’m going to need some space just for a minute. So please leave. And I’m like an otherwise I have one who she just continues to try and like get her point across. And I’m like, I asked you to leave, please leave like because she knows I’m gonna get angry. I’m gonna get I’m gonna I am going to start yelling because you will not stop.

Charmaine Fuller  42:47

You’re in my space move. Yeah, like,

Rita Suzanne  42:51

it’s just really super frustrating. So to wrap everything up, let’s talk about if a mom just comes to you, Charmaine and says, I want to start my own business. Like, what is your advice to her?

Charmaine Fuller  43:08

Crazy, crazy woman? Um, man. I don’t think this is a clean answer. Right? Yeah. Because entrepreneurship, like we said before, it’s like parenting, I can give you a baseline of what worked for me. But until you get in it, and you start changing diapers, and you find out you got to bathe the baby, every flippin day to get our son to get diaper rash. It’s, it’s an experience. So the first thing I will say is just definitely get as clear as you can trust me as you do your business. Like, as you’ve heard me to say, we started out doing one thing, and then it’s like, and, and your business goes through that as you become more clear as you try things out. As you do some things that aren’t in alignment with how you say you want to live, it begins to work itself out. Have an idea, like if you have an idea of what you want to do, start mapping that out, maybe find a another influencer coach, whatever, that like we said before, that has a similar lifestyle to yours. I find coaches that are moms that are doing multiple there, but they call it multiple interested, right? So they, they just don’t have this business, they might have other things going on. So you have to find a coach or somebody that you’re going to follow that is at least kind of sort of in the same lane issue so that they can understand. Because I have worked with coaches before aka men who don’t understand what it’s like to be a mom and to have all this stuff. They’re like just put on blinders. It’s like Dude, if you tell me put on blinders one more time, I’m gonna punch your eyes out. So you have to find your tribe early. I would say that find your tribe early. And that’s still true. Like everything is still trial and error like there’s there’s not one

Rita Suzanne  45:01

All right, like there’s not a template, right?

Charmaine Fuller  45:03

Because there’s not a template to this. And I know people to make it. Do this, then do this, then do that. No, it No, it’s not, you just got to get in there and get your hands dirty. And then as you begin to take action, the way will become clearer. And the more action you take, the clearer the way will become that is your first step to take action, if you have a business idea, take action, that is your first step, just start doing something should do do something,

Rita Suzanne  45:32

right, because then you’re gonna get some feedback, and you’re going to be able to see whether you should go this way, or maybe, you know, pivot and go this way and that way, and I completely get you on. Like, because I say nobody understands a mom like a mom, right? So I don’t understand the mentality of like, hustle mentality, right? It’s not for us, because we cannot live like that. You know, and so for a nice family, who probably has a wife, who’s taking care of the home, and the children, and all of the things, for him to give me advice is not applicable to me, is not, I cannot maybe I’m going to take a nugget of that. But how am I going to turn that into a stat and use it to my benefit? Because it’s not going to work the same way?

Charmaine Fuller  46:19

No, it’s not. So you have to know you got to find I would say take action and everything else around that will happen the books, you need to read the the courses, you need to take the materials you need to buy, like all of that will, it doesn’t happen until you start taking action. And you’re gonna fuck up, you’re gonna blow some money doing something stupid, like, just be prepared now to fail massively, massively. And do it? Yeah. Yeah, I, um, when I first started my business, I spent $500 for a fucking logo that I don’t even use anymore. Like, I thought I needed a logo. And I thought I had to follow all these, yeah, you’re gonna, you’re gonna waste some money, you’re gonna do some stupid stuff. But if you keep going, the way will become clear, you just got to take action,

Rita Suzanne  47:09

right? And I think staying focused really focused on what you’re, you know, because, like, what is your actual goal? And stay focused on that? Because a lot of times people get distracted with a shiny object, right? Like, oh, so and so said I needed a logo. So

Charmaine Fuller  47:26

I need to be Instagram and LinkedIn and all these other places. I need to be on all the social media platforms. Yeah, no,

Rita Suzanne  47:33

when you could be on all of them. But you need to be engaged in active on one or two, you know, like, that’s the one that you need to be building your audience. That’s where they are. Right? Versus like, you know, trying to spend time growing one, and then you disappear for a month and you come back? Yeah. Yeah, that’s what I’m saying. I think you’re not going to build traction like that. And I mean, we’re saying this out of, you know, learning from experience.

Charmaine Fuller  48:01

Yeah. So afraid to make mistakes, just do it. Yeah.

Rita Suzanne  48:05

And I think that one of the biggest things that I’ve learned from even starting this podcast and talking to other moms is be okay, saying, when you made a mistake, I think that a lot of times what happens, Charmaine, and you are, by far the realest guest I’ve had, by, you know, what happens is people will, as soon as I hit record, they want to make sure that they’re projecting the most professional image as possible. And I get that, I get that. But the more real you can be about what is happening and how this journey is, you know, throughout all of it, and how challenging it is. And I’m always talking about how hard it is. And sometimes that can pull people in and tell that you know, and have them say things. But other times I know that what it is, is like, Look, I know people are not going to want to hire me because I’m a hot mess. And I’m like, I’m somewhere they like,

Charmaine Fuller  49:01

I always say my stuff like I’m a hot, I’m a hot mess today. Or, you know, I share that experience because so often we feel so far removed from the people that we’re either following are working with that it causes us to have these unrealistic expectations of our own situation. And then it causes you to want to give up because you don’t you didn’t get 1000 followers in three days. Okay, do that. Our girl that got 1000 followers in three days has a social media manager. She’s got somebody following her with a camera for her reels. Or, you know, she stayed up all night to do that. Literally, like putting reels and things together. And yeah, like Yeah, I could do that. But I like going to bed at nine because I wake up at five and I like get my seven to eight hours asleep like I’m not think clearer. Right? I don’t see myself. I’m not saying I want to do but I don’t see myself staying up to midnight doing reals. Like

Rita Suzanne  49:58

it’s not a priority and I think, you know, to your point, when you put somebody up on a pedestal, then there’s no way that you’re ever going to be able to climb up on there.

Charmaine Fuller  50:07

No way. It’s gonna be like a fish climb in a tree, and you’re gonna, you’re gonna think like, oh my God, what’s wrong with me? I’ve been trying this business thing for like five months or six months. First of all, that’s not a long time in business. But you know, and you go, how come I can’t get it? And it’s like, because you ain’t got what they got. I don’t know if you follow drag queens, but there’s one, her name is flaming roe. And her fate. Her saying is I carry this cake, no bitch do what I do. She came. And because she can’t do what I do, I can’t do what she can do. But I can definitely take inspiration. And I can do it my way, it keeps me to stay in my lane. Yeah, this is what my family is, this is where I am. This is how I need to respond, I take a little bit, I apply it to my life, stay in your lane, that that reduces like 55% of overwhelm that we experienced as women stay in your lane.

Rita Suzanne  51:06

You know, it’s like that saying people always say it all the time is like just because somebody else is doing it, they’re not going to do it the same way you’re doing it doesn’t mean that you can do it, you can do it,

Charmaine Fuller  51:16

you can do it. But just in your way, in your way is the right way for you. Right? Yeah, that’s why I don’t teach. Like when I teach, I have a framework. But my framework is so fluid, because the example I give you is either from my life or from a maybe another lady in the group. But your life is completely different. So you take the meat out of it, and you figure out how to apply it to your life, or can it even be applied to your life? Do you need something else? And being okay with that?

Rita Suzanne  51:46

Yeah, I do the same thing. Because I think as you know, somebody who’s coaching or guiding or mentoring somebody else, you cannot, there’s no one size fits all, like we met a clicker there. And with especially in something like this, I feel like all coaching should be customized because I know people who’ve hired coaches, and at the end of the program, the coach doesn’t even know what they do, right? Because they have been teaching them they say, Oh, this is what you need to do. You need to go post on here, you need to do this, you need to do that, you know, and I’m telling you, like, this is the this is the, this is the roadmap to get you to where you’re gonna go and not necessarily because my roadmap is probably gonna lead me down to 15 different side streets. You know, so anyway, so like you were saying it’s, you know, it’s different for everybody. And in when you’re hiring somebody, you should find somebody that has that same philosophy and flexibility, less rigidity. Yes, perfect. So tell everyone where they can find you. Where are you hanging out?

Charmaine Fuller  52:54

I am always over on the gram hanging out on the gram. I also am on YouTube. I have like trainings and things on YouTube, but lives and things of that nature, mainly on the ground.

Charmaine Fuller  53:09

I got stuff on Facebook, but not so much. So that’s where they can find me mainly.

Rita Suzanne  53:17

And what’s the what is your profile?

Charmaine Fuller  53:20

Charmed with Shar. That’s the profile. So either Facebook or Instagram. Charles was sharp. If you type in charm with sharp on YouTube, you should be able to find me like that. It might take you some scroll through for right now. Because I’m still building that. But

Rita Suzanne  53:37

yeah. And then your website.

Charmaine Fuller  53:40

The charmed life.me is the website the charm life.me. And I don’t have an opt in per se because we have enough shit and our Google Drive graveyard. So my my freebie, I guess, if you should say is my newsletter, I like giving bite sized relatable tips and small things that you can do versus a checklist of the top three things because for me that always feels like even more overwhelmed that I’m trying to fix something in this one opt in, you know. So it’s just two days a week I send out an email with some really cool tips or maybe even resource for you to, to look at your schedule in a different way or even look at your life in a different way. And just begin to create that clarity around things. So it’s slow drips versus a fast gush.

Rita Suzanne  54:35

I like that because I’m the type who likes to implement as they go, right? So if I find something that is really good, I’m like, oh, no, I’m not to I have to even if I’m on a course I have to stop and actually implement. So that’s why it would take me longer to do courses and that’s why I love the mini bite sized courses. Yeah. Yeah. Well, thank you so much for joining us the day it has been a pleasure

Charmaine Fuller  54:59

that so What’s wrong with you?

Rita Suzanne  55:03

Yes, they can for sure. Yes. Thank you again. You’re welcome. And there you have it. I want to encourage you to remember that being a mom who runs her own business is not easy. We all struggle, but just keep moving forward. And don’t forget to make time for yourself. As moms we are usually the first thing to go to the bottom of the list. If your business is overwhelming you and you need real solutions, not just some sugar coated suggestions apply to work with me at ritasuzanne.com/apply