Sandra Daniele

Break Free From Negative Thinking with Sandra Daniele

About the episode

In this episode of the Mom Owned and Operated podcast, Rita Suzanne and Sandra Daniele discuss raising a family, running a business and remembering yourself.

Sandra Daniele is the founder of Wish on Wildflowers Life Enhancement Coaching for women. Sandra guides women to release the doubts that keep them stuck and stagnant in life, so they can experience inner freedom and live an inspired joy filled life.

She leads women on their personal journey to crush self-doubt, set boundaries, find their authentic voice, and fall in love with themselves. This journey opens the door to follow their dreams while doing and creating a life that feels aligned with their greater purpose.

Sandra offers 1:1 coaching and facilitates group workshops. Her latest offering, the Midlife Mindset Mastermind focuses on using proven mindset techniques to quiet the negative thinking that overwhelms many women.

Sandra has a passion for healthy living, planning her next adventures, journaling, and time with friends and family. 

You can find Sandra on her website and in her Facebook Group.

Listen to more interviews by visiting momownedandoperated.com and apply to work with Rita at ritasuzanne.com/apply/

Listen to the episode

Show Notes

SPEAKERS

Rita Suzanne, Sandra Daniele

Rita Suzanne  00:01

Welcome to the mom owned and operated Podcast, the podcast about moms and for moms, where we have candid conversations about running a business, raising a family, and remembering ourselves. I’m your host, Rita Suzanne, a single mom of four, digital strategist and provider of no nonsense business strategies and tactics. Hi, this is Rita Suzanne. And today I have my guest Sandra with me, Sandra, I’m so excited to chat with you a little bit more talk about your family, your business and yourself, please let us know all the things.

Sandra Daniele  00:42

Yes, thank you, Rita. Thank you for having me today. My name is Sandra Daniele, and I am the creator of wishtan wildflowers, which is a life enhancement coaching for women. I have a small family, I have one son, I am a divorced mom. And it’s really just the two of us. And some people may think, Oh God, how sad for you. But it’s actually beautiful, because I have created my life and made these choices. And this is where I’ve ended up.

Rita Suzanne  01:19

Plus you live in beautiful Southern California that has me super jealous.

Sandra Daniele  01:25

I do i This is my home. And so for those of you that don’t know, I’m in Santa Barbara. And I couldn’t wait to get out of here because it’s such a small space and town and everybody knows everybody. And as you get older, you realize there’s something amazing about simplicity and beauty. And so I’m so grateful to be to be back here in what is my home and literally my home as I am living in the house that I grew up in, which is amazing.

Rita Suzanne  02:01

Right? And for those who don’t know, Santa Barbara is just, I mean, it’s gorgeous and beautiful.

Sandra Daniele  02:10

Yeah, I feel pretty lucky for sure.

Rita Suzanne  02:12

So tell us a little bit more about your business. Tell us what is it mean to be a life enhancement coach?

Sandra Daniele  02:20

Yeah, absolutely. So I started my business about three years ago. And it was my own personal journey that actually led me to coaching. Before I got certified. As a coach, I didn’t even know what a life coach was. It was like pop, I mean, everybody knows what therapy is, you know, that’s pretty standard. But when you hit your bottom, which I had, and I was going to therapy and not getting any change, I started doing a little research, and I found out about this life coaching. And I thought, Well, that seems interesting. And so not only did I hire my own life coach, but then I became a certified life coach. And it was through that process that my whole world opened up, I opened up something shifted in me something changed. And I thought I have to share this, I have to give this gift to other women. And what that gift is, is it’s the shifting of the way we see ourselves. It’s the shifting of how we show up in the world. It’s changing the beliefs about who we are and what we can become. We don’t have to stay stuck. And so for the past, as I said, three years, you know, I’ve been working with women to help them change their mindset to help them go after the things that are important to them to rewrite stories that aren’t serving them. And it’s so fulfilling. And I just feel so grateful that my path led me to meet women on their path.

Rita Suzanne  04:17

So has it been an easy path with business and everything? How have you had any bumps in the road?

Sandra Daniele  04:25

So it hasn’t been easy. It hasn’t been easy at all. And you know, the one thing that I would tell somebody coming into the space as an entrepreneur having those ideas of oh, I want to start my own business and you know, looking at Instagram and all the glitz and glam it’s it’s not that I’m it can be you can get to that point. But starting out there’s something much deeper than just the idea of owning your own biz. It’s really looking at yourself differently, and seeing that this is a possibility for you. And so we can have a lot of grand ideas, and you can have a million dollar idea. But the roadblocks that you’ll hit or not, you know, financial, or where my clients gonna come from, or, or any of these things that we worry about the roadblock you’ve hit is your, your limiting self belief.

Rita Suzanne  05:30

Yeah, I always tell everyone, if you have any issues, they’re gonna come out with you owning a business, right? So I know when I first started over eight years ago, my coach at the time she, she was like, Oh, my gosh, you have mindset issues. I had no idea even what that meant coming from a corporate background, you know, so I didn’t even realize that mindset was a thing. Of course, you know, people are, I think, a little bit more aware of mindset. Now, even in the corporate environment, don’t you think?

Sandra Daniele  06:08

Well, Rita I have to laugh, right? Because when you and I were talking last week, when we had our introductory call, or two weeks ago, whenever it was, and you asked me what I did, and I, you know, said out loud, we’re all taught to create, like, this is what I do, right? And so I said, I help women release doubts that keep them stuck, so they can experience inner freedom, right? Blah, blah, blah, like, that’s my statement. And you said, Oh, so you help women with mindset. I was like, Oh, my God, yes, that’s exactly what I do. So here’s somebody myself that so intricately woven with mindset and mindset work. And I wasn’t even fully aware of what I was doing. Because we get so caught up in, we’ve been taught to share our message this way, we’ve been told to do something this way. And so for any new entrepreneur, I think, if somebody had just said, Do it your way, just be you. Don’t follow this prescription of you have to say this, and then do that. Because that’s where I got caught. I got caught in that churn of I’ve got to do all these things. And they’ve given me this list of like, if you do this, and then you do this, then you’ll have this and it’s like, no, that’s, that’s really not true. It goes back to what is your mindset? What are your beliefs about yourself? Who do you believe yourself to be? What do you feel you’re capable of doing? Anybody can follow a list. But that doesn’t mean you’ll be successful if your inner beliefs aren’t aligned with the tasks that you’re taking, right?

Rita Suzanne  08:13

Because I’ve what I find is that, you know, if your mindset is messed up, it’s really like you can make all the plans, all the lists in the world, but you’re not going to be able to achieve them, because you’re really not going to be able to move forward. And that’s why I always say that we’ll just start a business because all of it is going to come up at one point or another. And it’s either you deal with it, or, you know, your business is going to fail, likely.

Sandra Daniele  08:40

Yeah. So for myself, you know, here, I’d stepped into this new world of coaching, and I’m having these amazing conversations with these women, and they’re having these grand aha moments. And here I am scheduling these calls in the evenings in the early mornings, on the weekends, because I was still playing small and running off to my corporate jobs. Right. So I wasn’t even living into what I was giving these other women. And I think that, you know, you have to show up the way you want your business to go. Like, if you want your business to grow, then you have to show up your 100%

Rita Suzanne  09:31

you have as a person to yes for things to grow, because I think that, like any of the roadblocks that I’ve hit in my business over these years, as been because of personal issues, personal things that have come up or, you know, changed my trajectory and my life, my you know, location and all of these things. And so that’s been kind of a pattern for me. Whenever my personal life is in chaos, then my business becomes in chaos as well. So how do you handle any, like roadblocks that you may have experienced? Like, again, working in corporate or any of the other things?

Sandra Daniele  10:16

Yeah, you know, I think a roadblock is really a road sign. So, you know, just as you’re traveling along the freeway, and there’s a speed limit, right, that speed limit is there to keep you safe. Right. So our roadblocks show up because it’s, they’re trying to keep us safe. They’re trying to keep us in a space that we are familiar with. So if you take the roadblock, and you look at it more as a road sign more as a suggestion, versus a must like, I mean, I not that I don’t follow the rules of the road, but like, how many of us have rolled through a stop sign? Right? Like we know, we’ve we’ve driven this path 100 times, there’s usually not a car here. So we kind of roll through it? Well, imagine if in your life, you treated what felt like an obstacle, the same way as that stop sign like I’ve been here before, I know this, and you know what, this time, I’m just gonna roll through it?

Rita Suzanne  11:28

Well, we don’t have a lot of people don’t have the tools in order to be able to roll through it, right. And so I think that’s why it’s important to have someone who’s able to really help you through those and help you like, have the tools that you need in order to take that next step.

Sandra Daniele  11:49

Yeah, one of the things that people can download from my website is break free from negative thinking, it’s actually a 15 page workbook that’s absolutely free. And it creates a process for you to follow to teach yourself to recognize when you’re going in this rabbit hole of thinking, right? So to become aware, to identify it, and it goes through these processes, that over time as you do it over and over and you keep referring back to this worksheet, you naturally instead of seeing the stop sign as a as this, like, must do, you see it as a suggestion, right?

Rita Suzanne  12:37

Because then you’re you have now gotten into the habit of being able to get past the sight and the stop sign without stopping.

Sandra Daniele  12:47

Because our negative thoughts, when we let them spin, they go like they go and they go, and they go and what started as something very simple, can turn into something huge. And I personally have suffered from anxiety. And you know, what is anxiety? It’s really our worries on tenfold, right? It’s like, getting on the roller coaster without the seatbelt on, you’re just feel like holy crud. And so, you know, a lot of the tools that I share, or especially this one on breaking free from negative thinking, there are things that I’ve used for myself that have really changed my life and the way that I show up in the world. And so that’s why you created it. Yes, yes. I mean, it was like, wait, I’m not I’m not going down that crazy path anymore. What have I done? What has shifted? Yeah. And you know, writing that out and sharing that with clients, and then coming back to me saying, Oh, my God, that really works, right? And then it was like, oh, boy, I have to share this with more people. This needs to be just like a giveaway. Like, we all need this.

Rita Suzanne  14:10

It’s probably you could probably charge for it, but you’re giving it away for free. So what are some of the things like Do you have a couple of them like that you could share with us?

Sandra Daniele  14:19

Well, I think the first not I think I know, the first step to anything is awareness, right? So before we can change something, we have to become aware of what’s happening. And oftentimes, we don’t want to become aware because we don’t want to look at the reality. So we start looking outside of ourselves. So number one, is awareness. Just becoming so aware in recognizing I’m not feeling good right now. something’s changing. Something’s coming up. I’m familiar with this, what is it? And getting really clear on? Okay, it’s here. And what is it?

Rita Suzanne  15:11

Yeah, I think that’s really important. Like before we got on this call, and I was talking about how I feeling overwhelmed, I don’t really, personally have a lot of negative self talk. I don’t know why. But I don’t fantastic. But I know that a lot of people do struggle with that. I have anxiety, but it’s more of a feeling. It’s not the negative talk. And so one way that I would just push through it is just do whatever I was afraid of doing. Right? put myself out there, if I was afraid to meet the new people, and maybe I’m sweating like bullets before, you know, this happens. But it always turns out to be a good thing, right? After you push through your fear, then you’re able to get to where you need to go. But it’s so scary. And I think that’s why is this guide that you have is a lot of journaling is that what’s helping,

Sandra Daniele  16:14

um, there’s journaling. But there’s actually a process to follow. And you know, the one thing that I would say about pushing through, so that’s great, right? I mean, one of my mom’s favorite things used to be feel the fear and do it anyway. And there’s truth to that, right? Sometimes we do just need to push through. But oftentimes, what can happen is, if we take that approach, or we say, I’m just gonna push through this, and then we fail. We’ve set ourselves up for more disappointment, right? Like, I knew I couldn’t do that. Right? Like people say, Just feel the fear and do it anyway. Like, why can I do that? So for me, it’s, it’s more about understanding, versus just doing, I mean, we can do anything, right. But if we’re just doing to do and we’re not understanding or looking at the emotions that are coming up, while we’re doing it, we’re always going to hit a roadblock, we’re always going to be having to like, talk ourselves into push through it, push through it, push through it.

Rita Suzanne  17:29

So it’s more of being aware of what the underlying cause is for those feelings. And then working through them in you know, using these techniques and and things that you are providing in this guide.

Sandra Daniele  17:44

Yes, love. Yeah. And it’s coming back to how did I feel before the feeling came up? Right, and know that it’s okay to have all the feelings? Yeah, I think it’s hard.

Rita Suzanne  17:59

It’s hard for someone like me, just a background, I have, you know, have a very traumatic life in general. And so I have a hard time verbalizing feelings of how I felt or feel in the moment, in certain ways. And so that’s why I think it would be hard for me to associate How did I feel? I’m like, I feel fine. I feel great, you know, the anxiety, I only feel that because, you know, maybe my heart is racing a little bit or some, you know, something of that, of that matter. But I think that you know, for other non traumatized folks. This would, you know, and my, my therapist keeps telling me, oh, you need to, you know, work in about your feelings more. So I think that this would actually be helpful.

Sandra Daniele  18:51

Yeah, I think, um, and I’m my gardener showed up when you know it. So, I think trauma is one thing, right? And this isn’t to dismiss trauma. But I know for myself, I learned at a very young age that if I push down my feelings, yeah, it makes it safe for everyone else. And when it feels safe for everyone else, then it feels safer for me. Although, I’ve got all this stuff that I don’t know what to do with. I’ve just made the situation feel safe for everyone else, but I haven’t allowed myself to feel safe. Yeah.

Rita Suzanne  19:39

I like that. That’s really something to think on. I’m gonna I’m gonna think on that one.

Sandra Daniele  19:47

For sure. And I love that. That is what I love most about working with people or talking with people is when and you can leave something that maybe it’s not an aha moment, but it’s enough for them to have a takeaway to think about.

Rita Suzanne  20:13

Yeah. Because I feel like I’m gonna reflect on that a little bit, journal it out. And then I will probably have a little bit of an aha moment, which is, as you mentioned, different than going to therapy because, you know, they never really give you. Well, mine hasn’t really given me direction on, you know, things to think about regarding feelings, and why are you feeling this way? Right. So this is definitely I feel like I’m super self aware. But I still need guidance in a lot of ways.

Sandra Daniele  20:50

Well, we all do. And I think, you know, as soon as we stop feeling like we don’t need guidance, as soon as we think we know everything, as soon as we think we’ve got it all figured out. That’s probably when we need the most help. Right, right. You know, I talk about I was in therapy, and I was like, this isn’t working for me, and I’m done with therapy. And I found life coaching. And I was like, Whoa, my whole world opened up, right. And I thought I will never go back to therapy. Well, you know what, I had to put my tail between my legs because in the last couple of months, I went back to therapy. And the reason was, is I was I kept getting sick, like I got a sinus infection, then I got another sinus infection. And then I got COVID. And then I got another sinus infection. And I thought there is something that I’m not looking at. So I have a coach, I’m working with my coach. But clearly, there’s more I need to learn, there’s more than I need to uncover there’s, there are always more layers to us, right? Because just as we shed layers, we have new experiences, and then those new experiences, leave a new layer. Yeah. And when we’re ready, we’ll share that. And it’s just for me, it’s just this process of always being always inquisitive thing about what’s happening, what’s working, what’s not working. And as soon as I stopped doing that, that’s when I’m going to really start to worry about what is what’s going on, because we need to get curious. That’s why I have you know, I call it a curiosity call, like Schedule A curiosity call. Because for me, the coaching is, is about getting curious. It’s about letting yourself explore new ideas. It’s about letting yourself dream bigger. And in that process, just like in entrepreneurship, stuff comes up. Right? Because that dream that you have, there’s also doubt that goes with that dream. So let’s get curious.

Rita Suzanne  23:07

Yeah, that’s and I think, you know, we’re so close to the situation, that that’s why we need other people to kind of take our hand and walk us through to the next level or the next phase that we need to go through. Regardless, you know, like Coach therapist whom, you know, best friend, whomever it is, I think, you know, yeah, just your journal, like I do feel like with my stuff, even with, you know, therapist or like coaching, I still journal about it, because I like to go a little bit deeper. I think then what I would maybe say out loud, right?

Sandra Daniele  23:46

We talked about that, right? It’s finding the person that you, you know, you can trust so deeply, that there is no judgement. There’s no right or wrong. That no matter what you say, it’s, it’s safe. It’s okay. I have no problem. Tell the whole world my life story. Yeah. Yeah. Well, for other people out there that feel like I gotta, you know, I’ve got to keep parts of myself closed. You don’t, you’re hurting yourself.

Rita Suzanne  24:22

Right. And I think that’s the important part is to really work through it. So that’s why you know, one of the aspects of starting my business it really helped me to evolve as a better person and to grow so that I could see things from a different perspective and and that’s one thing that I I love, right? Because no matter what, I have grown and shifted as a different person, and I think so.

Sandra Daniele  24:54

Absolutely.

Rita Suzanne  24:55

Yeah. I think that that I’m super grateful for like I’ve you know, work through a lot of my issues through with coaches and, and people who have been my clients and not my clients. And you know, I’ve been lucky to work with a lot of health and wellness people. So it’s almost, you know, yeah, yeah. Give it that you’re gonna grow as you’re working with them. And I think that’s one of the reasons why I stayed in that industry for so long, because I just was connecting so deeply with their content or their purpose or their mission. So what I want to ask you is, how did you come up with the name of your business?

Sandra Daniele  25:36

Yeah, so wish on wildflowers? Um, so the name itself was? I’ve just always had a love of wildflowers. You know, I tell a story of when I was a kid my wallpaper were these giant dandy or? Oh, God daisies? Right, these bright yellow daisies. So I think I just inevitably was meant to love wild flowers. But you know, we all make wishes. Right? We all pick the dandy lion, we blow on it, we make a wish? Well, I want women to know that that dandy lion represents their strength. Right? So Dandy Lions, you blow on him, they blow off and then they come back. Right? They they are resilient, they continue to grow out of the ground, no matter how often they get stepped on. And then part of my logo in the middle of the dandy line is the heart and the heart represents our own desires and our intuition. And when we tap into our heart, we have the wisdom of ourselves to know who we are. So wish on wildflowers is really about the strength, beauty and uniqueness of all women. And when women work with me, I want them to say, Wow, this is really my life. This can be my life. So wish on wildflowers. Wow,

Rita Suzanne  27:05

I love that. So one thing that I always talk about is self care. And we mentioned this a little bit last time when we talked about, you know how important it is to remember yourself, right? Because as moms, we lose a little bit of ourselves, as business owners, we lose a little bit more of ourselves, or rather, we probably give it away, right? And so it’s really about reclaiming ourselves. So how are you remembering yourself, Sandra.

Sandra Daniele  27:37

So I love this. And it’s so crazy. Because after you and I have this conversation about self care, and I said, Oh my gosh, I’m so good about self care, I take such good care of myself. So I’m on a call with my therapist. And somehow self care comes up. And I say to her, like, I’m so good at self care. And she says bull bleep. And I’m like, well, and she said, self care is really self respect. And I just loved that so much. Because I think, as a society, we get caught up in this idea of like, self care as the bubble bath, which it is, it can be right, but it’s respecting yourself enough to know that you deserve to take the time for the bubble bath, for the massage for the candle lighting with the book. So, you know, my self care is really giving myself time in the morning. So before my son even wakes up, I wake up naturally about an hour before he does. I go outside I stretch. I make my coffee I journal I do a little reading. And then I start my day. Yeah, and you know, I give myself things like I now get weekly massages, right? But so I always thought I had all of this self care, but, and I do. But I think really when you put self care with self respect, it changes the entire dynamic of what it means to give yourself space. Yes.

Rita Suzanne  29:25

Yeah. I love that because as we were speaking earlier, I haven’t been going to the gym a lot. And so if I think about it in that way, then it really opens my eyes because I do think like you mentioned I feel like I’ve been setting my boundaries. I’ve been doing these things, but I haven’t been doing the things that I want to do, right because I’ve been filling everyone else’s cup even though I’m saying Oh, my boundaries are here. But that portion of me that I really want is not over. They’re so yeah, I love I love that. I’m going to also think about that one a little bit closer. So it’s gonna come into my head later. Well, you know, when I’m thinking, Should I go to the gym or not? Right? Like, no get yourself to the gym. So where can everyone find you online?

Sandra Daniele  30:21

Yes, so I have a website, it’s www dot wish on wildflowers.com. You can also find me on Facebook, I have a page which is just wish on wildflowers, life enhancement coaching. And then I have a Facebook group called confidently being you. And you can find that it’s actually under the tag wild garden.

Rita Suzanne  30:48

Okay, perfect. And I will put the links all in the show notes. And thank you so much for being I guess I love chatting with you.

Sandra Daniele  30:57

Oh, it’s been a joy. I feel so grateful that I met you. Thanks again. Yeah.

Rita Suzanne  31:06

And there you have it. I want to encourage you to remember that being a mom who runs her own business is not easy. We all struggle, but just keep moving forward. And don’t forget to make time for yourself. As moms we are usually the first thing to go to the bottom of the list. If your business is overwhelming you and you need real solutions, not just some sugar coated suggestions apply to work with me at ritasuzanne.com/apply

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